You Are In the Litter Box Now

Doing this job, I get as many as 50 kitten requests a week. Most people are just great. And I mean that the majority of folks that contact me are just the best.  But, some of the people are straight up rude, offensive, and just generally bad humans. Those would be the kitten buyers. 

Then there is a really strange group of people who do not like what I am doing, because working to make healthy cats is such a douche bag thing to do? And use social media to spread their bile and mental filth. Social media gives lifeless people a forum they would never otherwise have. I don't know, this group seriously leaves me scratching my head. 

I have given this some thought and have concluded the following. They are probably horrible people in their day to day life, but, with the veil of anonymity of sending emails to strangers, or posting on Facebook, they get even uglier.  They do or say things they would never do in real life. They think they can get away with it because, well, they are not facing another human. 

They used to make me angry. But, I don't do this to be angry so I decided I would have to come up with a way to rid myself of these negative feelings. I decided why get angry when I could just make fun of these ridiculous people 

 So, here you will find some of the odd kitten requests I receive and some commentaries on their requests. You will also find some responses to social media trolls who have nothing better to do than vomit their negativity in my direction. These people are turds, and are best consigned to the litter box. Thus, this section is entitled, "You in the Litter Box Now".

Stay tuned. As the theater of the absurd kitten requests come in, I will update this section. 

I have been slow to  add human turds  to this section. Not because consumers have gotten nicer but because raising cats and doing genetic studies is time consuming. But I had such a good candidate for the litter box I could not resist. 

Marsha from Florida made a fairly normal kitten request, and I wrote a normal response. Nothing prepared me for her response. I sent her a link to the website, about getting a kitten from me, there was a Bangkok mocha mom on the page she landed on. She was so kind to write me back. 

“Oh my goodness that cat is the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen NO THANK YOU” 

Where do I begin with that response? Let me start with this. Marsha was obviously raised in a barn or perhaps behind a Piggly Wiggly near the dumpsters by a pack of stray dogs.  A place where manners were not on the curriculum. Somewhere where she learned no manners whatsoever. NONE. If you don’t like the way my cats look, just walk away. Don’t write back. 

But the fact she felt compelled to tell me how she felt (which couldn’t interest me less) says so much. Firstly, it displays how ill-mannered she is and secondly, it makes plain her self-importance.  As I say, if you are rude to me, you are likely to be rude to my kitten. So forget it. 

Now, there is a certain lifeless creature, of moderate intelligence, who sits behind a computer, and shoots hateful messages into the universe by way of  social media. Ill-informed and loaded for bear, they inject their opinion into the public forum. 

Oh, but there is more. There was a follow up email from this misbegotten creature that really takes the cake. Please note, in addition to a lack of knowledge of manners, this litter box resident, is not acquainted with punctuation.  

“Hey Doug, yes the pictures look much better. I’m just curious as to what you charge for your cats I mean are we talking like 3000 $4000 because if that’s the case I’m not paying those prices the taxes on my home our eight grand so I’m not interested in paying three or four grand for a cat that I know you’re making Buco bucks on and probably not claiming it to the IRS right I doubt it. So if you can come up with a reasonable price like 800 and then we can talk OK”

I really don’t have words. And that is unusual. There is so much wrong with that paragraph. No Marsha, we cannot talk. We will never talk.  I would not entrust a stuffed bear to your care, let alone a living kitten. Rest assured, dear Marsha, I report my income and do pay taxes, all of them, because I am a law-abiding citizen. In fact, it would never cross my mind to NOT report my income. But the fact this idea came into this litter box residents mind, so quickly, says more about her than me. As I said, that paragraph is so bizarre, I will let the reader draw their own conclusions.

And this brings me back to an essential point. I know most people think the life of a cat breeder is all glamor, birthing kittens, cleaning litter boxes. But, it is not the magical life most imagine. And that is before you get an endless stream of communiques from people, like Marsha from Florida. 

The thing that I find fascinating is just how many misguided-missing the point people there are in the world. Our next litter box resident features a heaping dose of missing the point. To such an extent, I will refer to her as Miss Missing the Point 

Point 1. In the information section of the website, I make a simple point. When people make a kitten request and do not take the time to write a complete sentence, it makes me wonder if they have time to care for a cat. It doesn't have to be an essay, a simple complete sentence would do. My cats are greedy needy beasts and they will not be happy in the house of a person who does not have time for them. 

Point 2. I put a huge amount of time making information available to the general public. Information I hope they will use to find themselves a great healthy cat. Do I have to spend my time and energy putting helpful information out there? No. But I do. As you will see from Miss Missing the Point kitten request, the good I am trying to do goes right over her head. Im thinking she might have some kind of sphincter issue, like anal retentive disease. 

Point 3. My endless content, and I admit I am wordy, is all about how I am going about trying to make a healthy cat. Trips to Thailand, reports on my progress in making a healthy cat, etc. The point, in the bigger picture, is I am trying to do something new to make healthier cats. Whoop. Right over Miss Missing the Points head. 

Without further ado, here is Miss Missing the Points charming.

Hello Dr. Schar,

  I have read your stipulations for adopting a cat from Indian Springs Cattery. When you expounded on your dislike of people who use poor grammar and suggested that type of person would probably not be a good pet owner I was intrigued. I dislike (intensely) poor grammar so please take this as a suggestion and not a criticism. You have MANY errors in your “treatise”. ”It’s” may be spelled two ways as it means two different things. You have used it incorrectly several times. Do and due are two different words. (Under declawing section and once again later in the paper). Losing a pet is spelled “lose” not “loose”. There are many more errors. There’s an old adage that goes like this: “people who live in glass houses should not throw rocks”. You are living in a glass house that needs a good window cleaning….then you can throw your rocks. I admire your efforts but it seems some attention is needed in your written work.    Jeannette

Sent from my iPhone

I am going to say it was sent from the litter box phone. That would be an L-Phone.  I am just making this up, but I am thinking Miss Missing the Point is that person in a neighborhood that makes everyones life a misery. Measuring their grass to make sure the height conforms to the rules and regulations. A person with a miserable life  just looking for opportunities to spread her misery. Hatefulness all dressed up in a well worded turd. 

This is a really strange one, but, as you will see, it's so strange it requires comment. 

I don't really even now how to tell the story of this piece human waste. But I will give it a try. 

Several of my kitten buyers, who are active on social media, began getting contacted by this troll known as  PATRICIA FROM NEVADA. Miss LifeLess somehow found my kitten buyers on social media and began messaging them. She wanted to let them know I used "stray cats" in my breeding program. Warn them would be a better word. She wanted to warn them I used "Stray Cats" in my breeding program. 

Point 1. Do you not have anything better to do with your time? Im sure there is a charity you could volunteer at that would say, make the world a better place. 

Point 2. Her attempt to "warn" people about where I get my cats is a falsehood.  I import cats from Thailand.  My imported cats come from the Temples and from breeders throughout Thailand. They are not stray cats. Because I make this point very clear on my website, it is possible "PATRICIA FROM NEVADA" does not know how to read, which would be sad, because not being able to read is a real liability in life. I will pray for her on that in the event poor thing doesn't know letters.  Perhaps she has to use a voice to message device when she is fermenting in her lifeless life, sending messages to strangers. Because if she did know how to read, she would have read on my website exactly from whence came my imported Thai cats. 

Poor thing. PATRICIA FROM NEVADA, if you are out there, you should call your local public school. They may have an adult literacy program. And if you went to it, learned how to read, you could attempt to slander people more accurately. And not look like such a fool. Because, my website is plastered with the fact I import Thai cats from the Temples and Breeders. My kitten buyers know from whence my cats come. It is only you that is confused. Again, being charitable, I will assume you do not know how to read. 

Point 3. Perhaps PATRICIA FROM NEVADA knows how to read and has a problem with the fact I am trying to make healthy cats. Now, Im not sure why a person would have a problem with me trying to make healthy cats, but, there are those that do not approve of my breeding program.  They prefer to make sick cats? Sounds crazy but that could be a thing. 

Whether PATRICIA FROM NEVADA is illiterate, or disapproves of my breeding program, instant messaging perfect strangers is a douche move. And for this, PATRICIA FROM NEVADA has been dropped in the litter box.